Dear Friend

You're no different. And for that, I feel betrayed.

You have changed, a lot. Your beliefs and goals, it's not like how you were anymore. It's like I saw a star that eventually turned into a black hole.

I accept change. I really do, for it is naturally occurring. But some changes are good, and some are bad. I don't know with this. It's like you have lost your charm. It's like you have let go of that one thing that I have been holding onto in you.

I am sorry, for now I feel that you are not worthy of all the respect I gave you. And I am not with yours.

But yes, you will always be a friend to me. I will not let go of that as long as you want me by your side. It's just that, I will forbid myself to give you excessive attention like I used to. You don't need it anyway.

I am, really am sorry. There is no problem with you by the way. It's me. I just can't accept things so easily.

Sorry.

The Truth

Ang totoo niyan, hindi ko alam.


Naiipit ako sa gitna ng aking kagustuhang bumagal ang oras at bumilis ang takbo ng mundo. Gusto ko sanang lumipas ang mga araw na parang buhangin na ihihipin ng hangin hanggang sa ito'y tuluyang maging parte nito. Gusto ko din sanang wag nang dumating ang bukas na tulad ng pagdating ng ngayon. Ang dami dami kong gusto, pero wala naman talaga akong magagawa kung hindi sumabay sa tunay na daloy ng panahon.

Pag-asa

Asa pa.


Wala na akong ginawa kung hindi ang umasa. Patuloy na lamang akong kumakapit sa mga bagay nang di ko man lang alam kung mayroon ba talaga akong pinanghahawakan. Nakakasawa din. Nakakapagod. Pero nandito kasi ako sa punto na ayaw ko umayaw.

Oo, ngayon kasi kahit anong hirap na ang dinaranas ko, alam ko gusto ko ito. Grabe lang ha. Kung kailan ganito ako, tsaka ko nararamdaman na gusto na akong paalisin dito. Hindi ko na alam saan ako pupulutin. Hindi ko na alam kung may patutunguhan pa ang mga bagay na pinaghihirapan ko. May silbi pa ba ang mga bagay na pinahahalagahan ko.

Minsan na nga lang ako lumaban tapos ganito pa. Kailan ko ba talaga makakamit ang bagay na para talaga sa akin. Kailan?

Haha. Alam ko walang makakasagot ng tanong ko. Di ko alam. Haha. Iyak na lang.


Malalaman ko din yan. Naiinip lang siguro ako ngayon. Makakatikim din ako ng tunay na kaligayahan.

When Nothing Goes Right

Go left. :)

Thoughts of That, On Second Thought

On second thought, I want to live. I want to live no matter how painful it is to live. Well, it won't be living without it.


And I'm thankful that I lived. :)

Thoughts of That

Mukhang di malayo. Suicidal thoughts.




And I'm being honest. Sometimes I think I should just die.

Ignorance

Ignore me once and I'll insist. Ignore me again and I'll never bother you again.

Yes, that is one of my weakness. Even if it's unintentional, I'll never ever initiate another conversation with you again. And i'd be dying inside thinking what's wrong. And I'd be breaking down within to know if we're okay.

Yes, you can ignore me, since that is how i am treated all the time. I never knew what people think of me because whenever I ask they can't say a thing. Maybe, they don't notice. Then, that is because they don't pay attention. Si it might not really matter to them at all.

In the end, no one cares. I am ignored.

In terms of memories, there are times I knew every detail. I knew that I was there. I knew how others are there. Then, in another story from another person, it's funny how I ended up invisible. I'm nothing but soundless air in their picture.

No one really cares.

And I think, when I die, when i disappear, no one will notice. Life will just continue for them. And so what?

No one really cares.

I won't end up in any history. I will just disappear out of thin air. Because I am nobody. And the day that I'll die won't make any difference with the day I was born.

Because no one cares.

And why should I care? I'll choose not to live in vain and there is one thing left for me to do.

Ignore.