Me and My Obsession

Music.

Take everything away but not music.

Haha. I've been posting random works of mine but not giving much detail about it so I decided to create an independent post.

I don't have formal training in singing. I'm even a worse dancer. But then, I'm just really, really moved and I just want to have it with me though I'm not good at it.

I was a child of dreams. I wanted to be in the world of music industry when I was a child. I pretend to make my own songs by singing random words in random tunes. We bought my keyboard when I was in prep and I don't have any idea how to operate it. Well, I used to play with it and try to find out how to play on my own. I still remember, I was a fan of F4 back then when I was able to have Ni Yao De Ai's tune in my fingertips. So far, it's the first song I've played on my own that I can recall, in monotone.

I started formally writing a song when I was 8. There was a tune as well but sadly I was not able to save it and I don't remember any of it but the thought. Yes, it was about children being stubborn yet the key to the future. I also wrote songs when I stepped on grade 4 and so on but like the first one, I was not able to save it.

I wrote more songs than ever in high school for different reasons. I was asked to compose songs for projects, batch contests, friends with farewell, graduation songs, jingles but I was mostly able to save the songs I wrote privately. I lost the rest.

I was first taught guitar when I was in 1st year by a band person but I didn't learn that much. Real learning happened when I got to have free time with high school friends and share knowledge. I somewhat learned to incorporate piano and guitar well. Yes, I know how but I really lack techniques. Oh well.

I'm fond of singing, but I'm a try-hard singer. I have no confidence on what I can do. Anyway, people had been discouraging me since the time I can remember. I've been part of a choir at 1st year high but my dad asked me to stop. No one I know in the family appreciated my music and they always tell me just to study hard with math and science. I became shy. Just like when I auditioned in the school choir, I didn't sing in my audition thoroughly and it really sound horrible. Then, I tried to be part of the dance troupe but I just stood in my audition. From then on, I had this fear of audition. You see, I can feel more pressure on it than on the performance itself. Anyway, at the end, I became part of school choir for some reasons. I play the keyboards for them. I also learned a bit of violin when my bro bought one and I played with it.

In college, I thought things would change. I've been part of two choirs but not having formal auditions. Also, I have limits. Just like what I've said, no confidence at all. Well, I wanted to dance more as an 18th birthday gift for myself so I took street dance. But, when there are auditions of anything, I can't face it. I mean, I'm not scared of being unaccepted. I'm scared of the pressure. What if I mess up?

I really love everything about it. EVERYTHING. SO when I have a chance, I grab it. Unless, the fear takes over. All I'm aiming for now is for me to take over the fear. I want to know what more I can do. I just don't like the fact that I could fail anyone. My failure of myself is enough.

Well, I had another funny thought. I have my life now set on a wheel of fortune. You know why? I don't know why the heck I'm in my course. That was before. Now, I put a bit of hope. I have this subject next sem related to music, the numerical of it. Well, I was hoping for me to like it and just belong to one laboratory and have my work in the future with it. Yes, I'm so silly. But, I guess when I said I like everything about music, this is a challenge. and guess what. . .

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

At the Peak

if this is a cliff

and if i fall this time

second chance is a gift

just to finish the climb

so next time i won't stop

just wait there at the top

and soon you will see

i'll be with you at the peak

There. I thought it was lost but I found it around my bags. Yeah, just the night when I found out I have to take the removals for Math 55. It's only a sneak peek since it's not even half the song. If I pass all my subjects this sem, I'm gonna finish it wit a happy ending.

This how I describe myself whenever I'm about to fail a subject. But I guess this song is more optimistic that what I really feel since it is ready to face the second take. Haha! I'll save all my efforts to my next subjects. I'll be armed enough alright.

Empty Promises, Filled Regrets

You were never what I wanted

I never meant to fall

Why did I let you pull me down

We have no reasons at all

Refrain

Why does it have to come here

Won’t there be another way

Chorus

It’s too late to turn it back

No we can’t return our days

It’s too late to make it right

Tell me why are we here again?

I don’t ask for remedies

This is not the answer

What you need is to stop pretending

So you won’t fool yourself either

I don’t hold a grudge

What I have are regrets

Why did I ever let you in

Now I find it hard to forget

Refrain

Chorus

Bridge

I won’t admit you tore me apart

I can’t believe you are the one

I won’t admit you broke me down

I can’t believe it, I can’t

Chorus

Chorus

4th year days. random thoughts. It doesn't have a tune yet too T_T.

When 143 didn’t mean I love you

You’re the best thing I ever knew

And I don’t want you to get disappointed

You know how to see me through

And I don’t want to make you feel unwanted

refrain

Expectations do rise these days

And for both of us too

Thank you for the night

But I guess I can’t make it through

chorus

I’m sorry, I’m sorry

It’s not my fault I’m vulnerable

I can’t do it, I can’t do it

I’m too weak to say goodnight

Forgive me, forgive me

For this sudden goodbye

I asked you when will you ever learn to leave

You asked me when will I ever learn to stay

I didn’t say it’s not enough

I’m thankful but I can’t lead the way

I’m not naive to not feel your pain

There are just things I couldn’t face

You’re a weak one to love a weak one

who doesn’t know how to embrace

refrain

chorus

bridge

I just mean I don’t love you

It doesn’t have to mean I hate you

All I want for you to find

Is a real one, a real one

Chorus

chorus


4th year days. Different meanings of 143. It's not just "i love you".

It does not have a tune yet T_T

Chase

Running away

Is my favorite hobby

So throughout the day

I let no one surround me

Refrain:

So it’s quiet and lovely

No one can hear me whispering

About the world of misfortune

And people misunderstanding

Chorus:

Because of you, you, you

Everything has changed  

Others didn’t do, do, do

Feeling me this way

You didn’t even know it

But I’m happy about it

Just by hearing you say

“Come home and stay”

I am so used

To be another loner

But now i knew

I won’t be the same as ever

 Refrain:

You touched me it felt good

Will this stay forever?

I want you I need you

To leave again I’ll never

Chorus

Bridge

If one day I’ll disappear

In this world suddenly

I thought no one will be searching

But you proved me wrong

I know I’m wrong

Chorus

Chorus

Same story as can't make you stay. I kind of don't like this song. It's a bit to loose and really corny. It's not even finish yet. Oh well.

Three Nine and Three

3 years 9 months and 3 days

Since the last break up I got to get

Oh why i still think of u that way

I guess you’re not that easy to forget

I wonder if you still remember me

The one whom you once called mean                           

We’d talked of mistakes until it runs out

Then you’ll make that face and just walk out

Refrain:

What have we done wrong anyway?

But I guess from the start I should have stayed.

Chorus:

Please give me one more chance

I swear it’ll be the last

I swear it’ll be the last

Please do understand

We can make it last

We can make it last

Didn’t expect it would be hard to move on

I don’t even remember how I lived on

It Never crossed me you’d matter this much

Falling apart, I never thought of such

I’ve always dreamt of you every night

I really need someone to hold me tight

Sometimes I realize you are right

I do miss having you at my sight

Refrain

Chorus

Bridge:

I might have broken

A million hearts but I never

Thought that you would be the one

 To break mine to break mine

Chorus

Chorus


Same story as can't make you stay but less of the story. It's just a tiny clue. 

Can't Make You Stay

I

I never asked for anything until the time I saw you

I even kept denying about the truth I fell onto

And so I ran away while you are there unaware

But at the end of the day, I can’t help it but stare

II

I never asked for anything until the time i saw u

I decided to drop by the shed and greet you

I can’t explain what I felt, when u smile I want to say 

I can’t get u out of my head; I’m head over heels for u

Refrain:

I just don’t know, don’t know, don’t know

Chorus:

And you know that I know I can’t stop u from going away

And I know that u know so I’ll just say it anyhow anyway

Before i prefer waking up alone everyday

 U changed my mind when u crossed my way

 But even if I kneel down, beg and plead, I just can’t make u stay

III

I never asked for anything until the time I saw u

Now the things won’t be the same as it was before

I don’t know what to do, when i am not with you

Now could I sleep tonight, without anyone saying goodnight

Refrain:

Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight,

Chorus:

And you know that I know I can’t stop u from going away

And i know that u know so I’ll just say it anyhow anyway

Before i prefer waking up alone everyday

 U changed my mind when u crossed my way

Bridge:
And I can’t stand it

I can’t handle the fact that you’re

Leaving

I can’t take it

I can’t take it

I can’t take it back

Chorus:

And you know that I know I can’t stop u from going away

And I know that u know so I’ll just say it anyhow anyway

Before I prefer waking up alone everyday

 U changed my mind when u crossed my way

And you know that I know I can’t stop u from going away

And I know that u know so I’ll just say it anyhow anyway

Before I prefer waking up alone everyday

 U changed my mind when u crossed my way

 But even if I kneel down, beg and plead, I just can’t make u stay

IV
I never asked for anything until the time I saw you

And now I shout to the world how much I love you

I want to be with you, that’s why ill miss you

 Letting you go is the hardest decision I made

before 3rd year starts. My sis kidnapped me and brought me to Laguna. Yeah, I was so bored so I wrote songs. Well, this song is a bit heartfelt. a bit realistic. HAHAHAHA. I kind of don't want to remember.