This is me. a new me. yung nagtatagalog na sa blog.
I'll give you an update. Today is my first day of 2-week summer vacation as a college student. And many things had happened to me within the year.
Being a BS ECE student in UP is surely a tough fight. Especially, if you don't know what your fighting for. At first, I can't imagine myself in this course and so I'm planning to shift. But my thoughts that time already changed.
Before the classes start, I met UPTC. Yes, alam mo yung sabay-sabay kayong sasabak sa gyera kasi lahat kayo freshmen. Tapos biruin mo hanggang ngayon intact pa rin yan kasama ang UPTC na non-Diliman. O, di ba astigin!! Nung pasukan akala ko, tapos na ito pero hindi pala. Vin texted me na tumambay sa CASAA minsan. too bad, i have classes every lunch so I can't go with them regularly. Tapos ngayong second sem, we lost a friend along the way. Which is so sad. Nalulungkot din ako dahil feeling ko andami kong na-miss dito. Sana next year mabawi ko.
Tapos, I met G-19, ang best block ever! For an ECE block na mas madami ang girls kesa sa boys, may Oble, may advance sa math, may mga ampon at mga parang naligaw lang sa kurso. Wala ata ni isa samin ang nakakaalam kung ano ba talaga ung susuungin naming kurso. Parang una pa lang, wala pang majors e more than half gusto na umalis. Isa ako dun. Well, sabay sabay naming naexperience ung mga teacher like dun sa math except dun sa nagadvance hahahahahahhahaha. Tapos nung second sem, kami kami pa din magkakasama sa upuan pwera na lang sa ibang bumubukod na. Meron nga nagdrodrop na ng subjects at meron ding lilipad ng ibang bansa. Nameet ko, di lamang sila pati ang ilang friends nila, usually sa highschool or classmate sa ibang subjects. Tapos un.
Di mawawala syempre ang UP CKT na talgang bumuo ng College life ko no. Halos lahat ng bago, dito ko naexperience. Dati, walang dahilan bakit sumali ako, pero ngayon, wala nang dahlan para umalis ako. Block handler namin sila, di ko talaga alam kung factor un, pero gusto ko na sumali bago ko pa malaman eh. Wait. Ano nga ba mga ngyri sakin dito? Buddy ko si Kuya Jade nung app ako. Ex president at busy pero supportive pa din. Pinilit kong kilalanin lahat ng kaya kong kilalanin. Tapos, dito ako unang nag-amazing race with DLSU at ADMU at UST ECE pa! Dito din ako nagvolunteer for Y4IT pero di dahil kelangan, gusto ko lang din talaga. Basta nung 1st sem, kung san san ako napadpad. Pati din pala nung second sem, sumali ako ng smokers at dulaang engg. Sumali sa himig at nakaexperience ng isang national quiz bee called squeeeze. amazing di ba? basta ang sayasaya dito.
tapos naging USC volcorp ako na kakaiba siguro sa lahat. Eto ang pinakahaggard na pagvovolunteer ko ever. Pero masya, pero may parts na hindi din. Dito ko naranasan habulin ng guard habang nagpopost ng pubmats. dito ko din naranasan magpupupunta sa offices regarding sa papers and requests. Dito ko nakita gaano kademanding ang mga s*******. Tapos, dahil labas xa ng EEE, mas kakaiba ang mga tao, may iba silang pananaw sa buhay. Basta iba, mahirap iexplain. Anyway, d ko nasabi, dalawa lng naman pinagvolunteeran ko, UP Fair at Jobfair. magkaibang magkaiba sila. as in. mas gusto ko magvolunteer sa jobfair, mas gusto ko mga tao dun. basta, ang hirap tlga magvolunteer pero may sense of fulfillment kasi at inner growth. Nag ELPS nga ko for next year eh.
UPCBI naman!!! wala ako masabi dito. nalulungkot lng din ako di ako naging active dito ng 1st sem. pero eto ako ngayon. basta, alam na kung bat ako eto naun.
anu pa ba? syempre ansaia din mag korean class sayang 7am xa, di ko matugunan ng ayos. Saya din magduckpin at magtable tennis. Saya din makakilala ng mga ibaibang prof at ibaibang style ng pagtuturo. tapos magsusummer pa ko ngayon. haha, di ko lam kung labag sa kalooban ko to pero sa tingin ko aus din minsan na bumabagsak bagsak, basta babawiin na lang. Nako, nako, ngayon lang ako naging ganto kasipag, tapos kulang pa din. alam mo yun? parang kahit anung gawin mo alanganin, at kelangan mong tanggapin.
Pride ba to? oo at hindi. oo dahil ayaw ko sumuko. hindi dahil ayaw ko din sumuko. haha. pride is like a bitter pill. ayan, random na ko. random na ko noon, mas random pa ko ngayon.
basta, nagsisisi pa din ako sa pagkukulang ko, nalulungkot ako madami akong na-miss pero di kasi maiwasan. College is different. You have to face the truth that you should choose. Decision making nga kumbaga. Me, i decide what i think is better without knowing if it is right. Sabi ko nga, ayos lang lumihis minsan pag di sadya basta alam pabalik. but remember, we should know the difference between giving up and to have had enough.
May nakalimutan pa ba ako? ilagay ko na lng sa mga susunod ko pang posts.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Thursday, April 29, 2010
I'm lost
Right now.....errr. i really don't know where the hell i am. Im sort of confused of what to do, when im trying to make decisions, important people join in to stop me and i find things a little contradicting. Well im in serious business here but still i cant accept it because i really dont deserve it.
Well, i don't know what to do now. I don't know which way to go either. My best friend is at some place far away. Haha, just when i need her the most but of course im happy for her as well.
Then, this guy, i don't know the hell with him. He's ruining my life. If he wants to stay with me i want him to change for the better and not drag me to him for worse because i know to myself that i can live without him though i also know it will really hurt badly.
Starting yesterday, until tomorrow, i dont want to talk to him to test myself and also be able to wind up a little. I wanna hear other's voice not just his. he's no everything darn. Then, i thought, im feeling better. I just thought I'm already realizing who is me. But then, my other best pal gave me a sign of what she noticed of me. She won't tell a lie to me i know.
Have i really change for worse if all that i aim is for the better?
Am i still me?
I really don't know myself anymore. . .
Well, i don't know what to do now. I don't know which way to go either. My best friend is at some place far away. Haha, just when i need her the most but of course im happy for her as well.
Then, this guy, i don't know the hell with him. He's ruining my life. If he wants to stay with me i want him to change for the better and not drag me to him for worse because i know to myself that i can live without him though i also know it will really hurt badly.
Starting yesterday, until tomorrow, i dont want to talk to him to test myself and also be able to wind up a little. I wanna hear other's voice not just his. he's no everything darn. Then, i thought, im feeling better. I just thought I'm already realizing who is me. But then, my other best pal gave me a sign of what she noticed of me. She won't tell a lie to me i know.
Have i really change for worse if all that i aim is for the better?
Am i still me?
I really don't know myself anymore. . .
Sunday, November 29, 2009
False Pretense
Intensity. I can’t believe I can stand it. No! I CAN’T stand it. It was just a pretense of what I really felt. In every time I got the guts to ignore every single thing up to her fingertips, I also got that weak spot to turn around and shed a tear. I don’t know how it happened and I knew we just felt that same intensity.
The day she was born was fast approaching. No one can forget her day but this one looks like a different case. Every year, I guess, she gets to celebrate. She always had plans of it but she was too late. Coincidence or fate it might be, but it happenings can’t overlap on the day in between the two’s. Then, we get to serve whoever was the first.
I got the feeling that it was just a factor but the true reason is much deeper. One reason might have been within me. I realized it when we get to confess our apologies to each other for having a huge wall in between the last two days. It was heartfelt. She was something not to doubt of embracing again. I really want her back. Come to think of it, I never really said goodbye.
I was revived. I didn’t remember anything at all. The tears, the feelings, all of them are gone. It felt as if our friendship was refreshingly new and also comfortably known. Finally, I got the chance to greet her personally and give a gift. No other had the idea of anything about the past days.
The day she was born was fast approaching. No one can forget her day but this one looks like a different case. Every year, I guess, she gets to celebrate. She always had plans of it but she was too late. Coincidence or fate it might be, but it happenings can’t overlap on the day in between the two’s. Then, we get to serve whoever was the first.
I got the feeling that it was just a factor but the true reason is much deeper. One reason might have been within me. I realized it when we get to confess our apologies to each other for having a huge wall in between the last two days. It was heartfelt. She was something not to doubt of embracing again. I really want her back. Come to think of it, I never really said goodbye.
I was revived. I didn’t remember anything at all. The tears, the feelings, all of them are gone. It felt as if our friendship was refreshingly new and also comfortably known. Finally, I got the chance to greet her personally and give a gift. No other had the idea of anything about the past days.
The Best There Is
She didn't catch my attention the very first time I saw her. Even so, she might have a magic that lets me not forget seeing her the first times. I appreciated her more as I knew her better.
I even remember her words when I was planning to leave one place in the classroom where we used to hang out, she said “stay”. I’ll never forget that. It was easy to make her laugh that caused me to smile. From then on, I enjoyed her company. We asked each other of our likes, dislikes, and a couple more of things. I had opened secrets to her that she kept until now and she had told me stories that kept me amazed until now.
We were birds flying through the same path, as I thought we were. We share the same likes and helped each other at times. But after months, life gets tighter and tighter and suffocates us both. We get to spend chosen times and it even took a lot of effort to make each of it happen. I also noticed that we began to choose different things and even spend time to opposite ones.
I said I was wrong. We were not taking the same path after all. And one day, fast approaching, we will really be apart from each other. I hate thinking about it but I try to accept it. I don’t want to get disappointed at the end but I guess it can’t be helped. From that time, I just did my best to be with her. She was the best of the bests among my best friends. I spend time with her as if I wanted to stop the ticking of that second arm. In those ways, I know, we were the same. We can still be those birds flying together. Even if that giant storm comes, I’ll be there to share a feather. Whatever happens, I won’t let anything to be thrown away and be erased by a storm.
I even remember her words when I was planning to leave one place in the classroom where we used to hang out, she said “stay”. I’ll never forget that. It was easy to make her laugh that caused me to smile. From then on, I enjoyed her company. We asked each other of our likes, dislikes, and a couple more of things. I had opened secrets to her that she kept until now and she had told me stories that kept me amazed until now.
We were birds flying through the same path, as I thought we were. We share the same likes and helped each other at times. But after months, life gets tighter and tighter and suffocates us both. We get to spend chosen times and it even took a lot of effort to make each of it happen. I also noticed that we began to choose different things and even spend time to opposite ones.
I said I was wrong. We were not taking the same path after all. And one day, fast approaching, we will really be apart from each other. I hate thinking about it but I try to accept it. I don’t want to get disappointed at the end but I guess it can’t be helped. From that time, I just did my best to be with her. She was the best of the bests among my best friends. I spend time with her as if I wanted to stop the ticking of that second arm. In those ways, I know, we were the same. We can still be those birds flying together. Even if that giant storm comes, I’ll be there to share a feather. Whatever happens, I won’t let anything to be thrown away and be erased by a storm.
Distracted
I was convinced so I did. A cost of 600 pesos should worth it. I took the test, my future was on line. And I didn’t want the outcome.
De La Salle University- Taft is a well-known school. I got a few friends studying there. Ate Micah was one of those who convinced me. When my mother let me chose between Ateneo and La Salle, I chose La Salle. It was my second time to fix forms. The first one was in UP. But now, I had worked hard to prepare a good scholarship form because I really can’t study there without a scholarship. We can’t afford. I really wanted to pass the test and be a scholar of it. Ate Micah was very supportive and even asked me already to stay in her place when I passed.
Then there, we passed our forms personally. All of my forms were approved unlike my companion’s. The schedule of our test was given. After that, all I need was preparation. I guess it’s the only thing I didn’t have. I never knew what went wrong.
I was with Dianne and Chala. Before the test, we ate first in Tokyo Tokyo and stayed there for a few more time. Then, we waited for Tenten before it was about to start. Chala and I were roommates. I am sitting in the second row. I was so nervous because I don’t know what to do. Plus, the room was like North Pole with its temperature. And then, it started.
I can’t concentrate. I can’t fill each hole properly. Each question was like reading forever. It continued until the end of the 1st period. J left more than fifteen questions unanswered. The same happened with the other parts of the tests. I was in dismay.
“Did I really do my best?” I asked myself. My target was to get a scholarship and NOT play around. I even did worse than what I’ve done in UPCAT. I didn’t anymore hope I’ll pass. All of my plans and dreams with that school, until now, is just plain dust. But then, I still wanted to pass.
De La Salle University- Taft is a well-known school. I got a few friends studying there. Ate Micah was one of those who convinced me. When my mother let me chose between Ateneo and La Salle, I chose La Salle. It was my second time to fix forms. The first one was in UP. But now, I had worked hard to prepare a good scholarship form because I really can’t study there without a scholarship. We can’t afford. I really wanted to pass the test and be a scholar of it. Ate Micah was very supportive and even asked me already to stay in her place when I passed.
Then there, we passed our forms personally. All of my forms were approved unlike my companion’s. The schedule of our test was given. After that, all I need was preparation. I guess it’s the only thing I didn’t have. I never knew what went wrong.
I was with Dianne and Chala. Before the test, we ate first in Tokyo Tokyo and stayed there for a few more time. Then, we waited for Tenten before it was about to start. Chala and I were roommates. I am sitting in the second row. I was so nervous because I don’t know what to do. Plus, the room was like North Pole with its temperature. And then, it started.
I can’t concentrate. I can’t fill each hole properly. Each question was like reading forever. It continued until the end of the 1st period. J left more than fifteen questions unanswered. The same happened with the other parts of the tests. I was in dismay.
“Did I really do my best?” I asked myself. My target was to get a scholarship and NOT play around. I even did worse than what I’ve done in UPCAT. I didn’t anymore hope I’ll pass. All of my plans and dreams with that school, until now, is just plain dust. But then, I still wanted to pass.
Along Came a Poor Man
Majority out of ten was a beginner. Maybe, that’s the secret why it felt great. There was this tall girl and small boy, high-pitched and low-pitched, trained performer and 1st time performer, short hair to long, dark complexion to fair, to say everything will just cover a lot of space. We must have a very skilled coach to handle the extremes.
Two weeks before the contest week, we were already excused. First days were tough because we got to have that catchy moves and fill the 8-minute time limit. The voice has no problem. We didn’t practice much for it. We GOT it. I thought everything was okay.
One time, we failed to meet the standards and so, we were in the middle of riot when they thought of switching contestants. We didn’t want that. We worked harder and harder until, they asked us to stay. We worked harder but the humor was always there. We practiced more but more often caught fooling around. But we were in that scorching hot stage as the contest approach. We even didn’t bother to pay those costly clothes my mother at first, didn’t like. But then, she was so supportive so she agreed.
Then, there it was, the contest proper. I am so nervous because it was also a first time for me. True, I get to perform but not in a contest outside the school. We waited. Ours was the last part of the program until the time came we positioned ourselves at the stage.
We had a lot of mistakes but it didn’t matter. We can already see the crowd watching attentively and reacting actively with each stunt. I saw the judge smile at us and I even heard their positive conversation. Audience was just so surprised because it was so different from the preceding performances. They were too busy to see the errors. Then, we saw our coach smiled and put her thumbs up.
The next performances were also mixed up. Perhaps different schools had different impression of the name. It was really not famous, not even my mother knew it. After that, we get to change our clothes and watch the rest.
Hours passed and there was not a single clue of our contest. We were in the assembly area and waited. When it came, all our fingers were crossed. We were hoping, hoping a lot. When we heard of the runner-ups, it made us hope more and we got nervous more. Then, when the champ was announced, I can’t help but jump when our school’s name was mentioned. I was so happy. Every one of us was. It was one of the best experiences of my life.
Two weeks after was a judgment day. I already had an idea that I’m one of those to be removed so I told myself I won’t cry. But it can’t be helped. Well, after that, I’m through with it. I just can’t avoid those echoing questions because many were shocked about it. For me, I wanted our school to win so whatever I can help, even if I’m there or not, I will. I did my part. Maybe, it wasn’t enough.
Two weeks before the contest week, we were already excused. First days were tough because we got to have that catchy moves and fill the 8-minute time limit. The voice has no problem. We didn’t practice much for it. We GOT it. I thought everything was okay.
One time, we failed to meet the standards and so, we were in the middle of riot when they thought of switching contestants. We didn’t want that. We worked harder and harder until, they asked us to stay. We worked harder but the humor was always there. We practiced more but more often caught fooling around. But we were in that scorching hot stage as the contest approach. We even didn’t bother to pay those costly clothes my mother at first, didn’t like. But then, she was so supportive so she agreed.
Then, there it was, the contest proper. I am so nervous because it was also a first time for me. True, I get to perform but not in a contest outside the school. We waited. Ours was the last part of the program until the time came we positioned ourselves at the stage.
We had a lot of mistakes but it didn’t matter. We can already see the crowd watching attentively and reacting actively with each stunt. I saw the judge smile at us and I even heard their positive conversation. Audience was just so surprised because it was so different from the preceding performances. They were too busy to see the errors. Then, we saw our coach smiled and put her thumbs up.
The next performances were also mixed up. Perhaps different schools had different impression of the name. It was really not famous, not even my mother knew it. After that, we get to change our clothes and watch the rest.
Hours passed and there was not a single clue of our contest. We were in the assembly area and waited. When it came, all our fingers were crossed. We were hoping, hoping a lot. When we heard of the runner-ups, it made us hope more and we got nervous more. Then, when the champ was announced, I can’t help but jump when our school’s name was mentioned. I was so happy. Every one of us was. It was one of the best experiences of my life.
Two weeks after was a judgment day. I already had an idea that I’m one of those to be removed so I told myself I won’t cry. But it can’t be helped. Well, after that, I’m through with it. I just can’t avoid those echoing questions because many were shocked about it. For me, I wanted our school to win so whatever I can help, even if I’m there or not, I will. I did my part. Maybe, it wasn’t enough.
Better Person
I want to be, to be a better person
Whose will is firm and dreams within his reach
I want to be, to be a better person
With the truth that overpowers him
He knows how to fight for his glory
Against all odds, he battles for his right
He knows what limitations are
He can adjust to all of the changes
Yes I will be, I’ll be a better person
Who can withstand, withstand all contrary
With the light shining upon my armor
With my wings as strong as his wings
This was one of my original compositions. You know how I got it? I was so down. I got everyone down and failed with my outputs. Then, there was this tune that keeps repeating in my mind. It was a plain tune without lyrics that sounds desirable and full of hope. I went up of bed and tried it in piano and it sounds like a familiar tune. I made the lyrics on the spot and began singing it on my own. It felt great as if there was this power within me that awakens. At first I thought it was just an imagination but no. I performed better with my responsibilities.
Just as I thought, self- motivation is very important. I can’t explain it but it’s essential. You can’t have a productive day without your heart and faith on it.
When same situations happen, I just sing the song and I already felt refreshed.
Whose will is firm and dreams within his reach
I want to be, to be a better person
With the truth that overpowers him
He knows how to fight for his glory
Against all odds, he battles for his right
He knows what limitations are
He can adjust to all of the changes
Yes I will be, I’ll be a better person
Who can withstand, withstand all contrary
With the light shining upon my armor
With my wings as strong as his wings
This was one of my original compositions. You know how I got it? I was so down. I got everyone down and failed with my outputs. Then, there was this tune that keeps repeating in my mind. It was a plain tune without lyrics that sounds desirable and full of hope. I went up of bed and tried it in piano and it sounds like a familiar tune. I made the lyrics on the spot and began singing it on my own. It felt great as if there was this power within me that awakens. At first I thought it was just an imagination but no. I performed better with my responsibilities.
Just as I thought, self- motivation is very important. I can’t explain it but it’s essential. You can’t have a productive day without your heart and faith on it.
When same situations happen, I just sing the song and I already felt refreshed.
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