Mistake No. 3

Fool.
This is not the first time you made this mistake.
Unfortunately, it isn't the second either.
So then, how many more mistakes do you have to have to learn?

You have it.
The gold is in your hands, within your grasp, at the tip of your fingertips.
Why exchange it for some other shiny rocks, or for some broken glass pieces, or for pyrite?

Why look for something that isn't yours?
More importantly, why throw something that you have for something that you don't?

Do you enjoy tugging an invisible rope?
Do you expect winning a game without even joining?
If not, what is it, then?
What do you get from trying to cross a road and stopping in the middle of it?
What do you get from driving a car in full speed with your eyes closed?

You can't defy gravity.
When you try to jump, you'd fall.
It's a law.
So think about it, you idiot.
You knew where this is headed.
Oh yes, you knew very well what's there at the bottom.
Why wait for something you know you'd regret?

Oh, I forgot, you're a fool.
So be it.
Choose.
Hit the bottom or don't jump.
Cross at once or don't cross at all.
Open your eyes or don't drive at all.
Find a cure or prevent it.
Accept it or stop it.

It's that easy.
I know you knew that.
In fact, you're not a fool at all.
So stop pretending to be one.

We only have a limited number of fingers to count our mistakes.
Do not attempt to use them all.

You and I Both

"Cause you and I both loved what you and I spoke of, and others just read of, and if you could see me now, well then, I'm almost finally out of words."


What a mess, a beautiful one. :)) I don't know where this is headed. I don't know where I am to begin with. But then, I'm happy, at the same time, guilty. I'm not doing anything and nothing is going on but I feel like I'm robbing a bank or something. I never thought something like this will come. But then, I don't know what to do. How can something this wrong feel good at the same time?

Darn it you, helpless child. You're hopeless. It's okay to drop everything and go full-speed ahead, closed-eyes, but never forget to be prepared for any consequence. You don't know, you might be headed for a cliff. And in the end, no one is there at the bottom.

Happy Place

I used to love this place. How come I'm wondering where I am right now?

Disorder

Nagkatime ulit kaya nakapagsagot ulit ng mga random test after a long time. And, I got this:


Disorder | Rating

ParanoidDisorder | High
SchizoidDisorder | Moderate
SchizotypalDisorder | High
AntisocialDisorder | Moderate
BorderlineDisorder | High
HistrionicDisorder | Moderate
NarcissisticDisorder | Moderate
AvoidantDisorder | High
DependentDisorder | Moderate
Obsessive-CompulsiveDisorder | Moderate

URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/index.html

Consistent sa dating results sa ibang disorder test na nasagutan ko.

Procrastination

Things I do few hours before 51 exam. Wala eh, wala ako sa mood mag-aral. Kaya ayan, procrastination. #PaintSkills

Anyway, napanood ko na din eventually after exam. Ang ganda, madaming EEE feels. Medyo napapanahon kasi confused ako sa gusto kong future. Pero grabe, dapat ngayon muna iniisip ko.

Ngayon. Huhu exam. Hindi ako depressed katulad ng sa 41. Pero nakakatakot kasi hindi ako kinakabahan. At isa pa hindi ko natapos andami kong blanko. Huhu. Pero ayun, nakakadepress talaga yung 53 exam.

mga MP na lang at DP. Tapos pahinga. Isang linggong pahinga. Hinga.

Umaga Nanaman

Hay! Katrina ang tanga tanga mo. Sumabog ka nanaman out of nowhere. Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin na wag kang umasa sa iba at wag ka magdemand at wag na wag ka mageexpect. Choice mo ang maging mag-isa. Kailangan mo yan. Iyan ang katotohanan, na mag-isa ka lang. Kaya please, tama na yang drama drama mo na wala kang kasama. Masanay ka na.



Sana talaga nabangga na lang ako kahapon.

This Morning

This morning
I just got back to my apartment
then, I just prepared for the day
then, I went to school really early

This morning
I walked to school
because my new bike's tire is flat
because of some darn sharp things on the road

This morning
I thought it's a really fine day
it was cold and I was shivering a little
it was a nice start

This morning
believe me, it's a wonderful morning
my tummy is stuffed with a complete meal
and I'm looking forward to all my meals throughout the day

This morning
the truth is, this morning sucks to death
I don't have anywhere to go last night
And now I'm back from where I've been

This morning
is like waking up from a nightmare
and finding out that reality is even more of a disaster
I didn't have enough sleep but I had enough fear

This morning
I have these thoughts while walking to school
and hoped that that car just go and bump me while I cross the intersection
and I'd be really thankful to the driver

This morning
I have these thoughts while walking to school
that I should just die at that moment
and I guess a lot people will rejoice at the news
and I guess I am too, and I'd even join the party if I could

*Click*

Thoughts

Sana mabura na ko sa mundong ito.

Patay na Linya

DIYOS KO LORD! ANG DAMING GAGAWIN NAKAKAMATAY NA! WALANG PAHINGA PAHINGA MAY SAKIT PA KO MAYYYGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHDD!!!!!


Hinga.

Nakakainis ang daming gagawin. Acads pa lang ang daming deadlines. Ang daming exams. Ang daming bagay. Hindi ako makasunod. HIndi ko alam uumpisahan. Tapos ngayon pa sakto yung madaming gagawin din sa ibang bagay. ARGHHHH! Nakakapagod. Drained na drained na ako.

Hinga.

Paano ba ko mag-uumpisa? Paano ko ba ito ihahandle ng maayos. Gagi. Bawal na bumagsak. Please naman wag ganun. Gagi. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!


Sorry sa mga org ko hindi ko kayo maasikaso at nagpapabaya ako pero grabe kasi mismong priority ko hindi ko matake so intindihin niyo na ako. Gusto ko sabihin wag niyo muna ako gambalain ngayon. Pero hindi ko din alam kailan ako pwede bumawi kasi last sem di ko din kinaya at sinabi ko ngayon ako babawi. Apparently hindi ko pala kaya.

Hinga. Wew.

Help me. T_T Anyone. T_T Ang hopeless ko.

Hindi naman ako malungkot. Pagod lang talaga ako. Pagod sa lahat. Pagod din sa mga taong nakakapagod isipin na dapat di ko na ginagawa. Pagod sa mga gawaing hindi ko din makita yung sense. Pagod kahit sa mga bagay na mahalaga sakin. Kasi, pagod lang talaga ako ngayon.

Pero bawal mapagod. Bawal huminga.

Kahit subukan mo masasakal ka lang sa mga bagay bagay.

Tama na. Sobra na.

Gagi. Kahit ilang sems ko na sinasabi yan di din naman ako tumitigil.

Baka may choice.

Baka pwede.

Baka may escape.

Wala.

Hai. Hahanap na lang ako ng paraan.

Hinga.

Not Yet

I have a confession to make. It might also be a declaration.

No.

I'm not yet over it.

After all this time, there still exist these feelings I've been trying to shut down, deny, ignore. These feelings that try to surface beyond my consciousness or anyone's knowledge. These feelings that linger in the very thought of you that puts a crescent in my face.

I don't know what to do now.  I just thought no one should find out. And I don't like the fact that I found it out. It SHOULD be over now. I SHOULD like someone else now, which is true. Well, I SHOULD stop liking you, too.

Well, I guess writing this makes it worse. But well, I can't deny it forever to myself. I can do that to all the people, but not to myself.

I hate myself. I hate how I feel and how i change so abruptly. I hate how this blog into a series of declaration of feelings. I hate how things turn out to be. I hate everything.

It's almost 2AM and I'm looking forward more to the time I'd wake up that to the time I'd sleep. I have a lot of things to do. Priorities.

Stop it.

Whatever.

I'm busy.

And no.

I'm not over it.