Me and My Obsession

Music.

Take everything away but not music.

Haha. I've been posting random works of mine but not giving much detail about it so I decided to create an independent post.

I don't have formal training in singing. I'm even a worse dancer. But then, I'm just really, really moved and I just want to have it with me though I'm not good at it.

I was a child of dreams. I wanted to be in the world of music industry when I was a child. I pretend to make my own songs by singing random words in random tunes. We bought my keyboard when I was in prep and I don't have any idea how to operate it. Well, I used to play with it and try to find out how to play on my own. I still remember, I was a fan of F4 back then when I was able to have Ni Yao De Ai's tune in my fingertips. So far, it's the first song I've played on my own that I can recall, in monotone.

I started formally writing a song when I was 8. There was a tune as well but sadly I was not able to save it and I don't remember any of it but the thought. Yes, it was about children being stubborn yet the key to the future. I also wrote songs when I stepped on grade 4 and so on but like the first one, I was not able to save it.

I wrote more songs than ever in high school for different reasons. I was asked to compose songs for projects, batch contests, friends with farewell, graduation songs, jingles but I was mostly able to save the songs I wrote privately. I lost the rest.

I was first taught guitar when I was in 1st year by a band person but I didn't learn that much. Real learning happened when I got to have free time with high school friends and share knowledge. I somewhat learned to incorporate piano and guitar well. Yes, I know how but I really lack techniques. Oh well.

I'm fond of singing, but I'm a try-hard singer. I have no confidence on what I can do. Anyway, people had been discouraging me since the time I can remember. I've been part of a choir at 1st year high but my dad asked me to stop. No one I know in the family appreciated my music and they always tell me just to study hard with math and science. I became shy. Just like when I auditioned in the school choir, I didn't sing in my audition thoroughly and it really sound horrible. Then, I tried to be part of the dance troupe but I just stood in my audition. From then on, I had this fear of audition. You see, I can feel more pressure on it than on the performance itself. Anyway, at the end, I became part of school choir for some reasons. I play the keyboards for them. I also learned a bit of violin when my bro bought one and I played with it.

In college, I thought things would change. I've been part of two choirs but not having formal auditions. Also, I have limits. Just like what I've said, no confidence at all. Well, I wanted to dance more as an 18th birthday gift for myself so I took street dance. But, when there are auditions of anything, I can't face it. I mean, I'm not scared of being unaccepted. I'm scared of the pressure. What if I mess up?

I really love everything about it. EVERYTHING. SO when I have a chance, I grab it. Unless, the fear takes over. All I'm aiming for now is for me to take over the fear. I want to know what more I can do. I just don't like the fact that I could fail anyone. My failure of myself is enough.

Well, I had another funny thought. I have my life now set on a wheel of fortune. You know why? I don't know why the heck I'm in my course. That was before. Now, I put a bit of hope. I have this subject next sem related to music, the numerical of it. Well, I was hoping for me to like it and just belong to one laboratory and have my work in the future with it. Yes, I'm so silly. But, I guess when I said I like everything about music, this is a challenge. and guess what. . .

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.