I Am Not Lost

I am found, or at least, I'm trying to.

On the last year of its first century, I decided to drift away. I wanted to find my own path despite all strong currents. And going away from one doesn't mean that I am not happy, that I am unfortunate, that I am lost.

Please, I don't need pity. And I know, they will never understand me as long as they stay on the same boat. But I hope they don't get me wrong. I had no problem with them. I just feel that I am not one of them. Also don't get the wrong idea I got it from somewhere or someone else. I got from all over the place and decided on my own, no one needs to tell me. It is not something I have decided in one night. It is more of something that accumulated over time, even through my childhood up until now and I just had the courage to speak about it.

I didn't want to be a hypocrite. I didn't want to be pretentious. And I am not sorry for what I've done.

IMPULSE: After 2 AM (Part 11)

Mananahimik na sana ako.

Pero ayun, nung isang araw, nagising akong galit na galit sa mundo. Saksi ang mga rommates ko. Bakit kasi sa lahat ng mapapaniginipan ko ikaw pa?

Ganito kasi. Ang saya-saya ko sa panaginip na parang dream come true. Ang saya-saya kong kasama ka daw. Oo, napakasaya ng panaginip ko. Kaya nga napakalungkot nung magising ako. "Panaginip lang pala", bulong ko sa sarili.

Mananahimik na sana ako pero naistorbo ang natutulog kong damdamin. Haha, charot.

Pero seryoso,

you. bitch. dream.

Huwag mo na guluhin itong stabilizing state ko.

Final Value Theorem: After 2AM (Part 10)

Limit approaching you. Well, di ko masabi kung towards steady-state na ito. Pero may bagay na medyo sure ako.

Una, di na ko nagseselos to other people. Hindi na ko gaanong kaaffected sa mga ganap at gawa ng external forces.

Pangalawa, naprove ko, after more than a week, may feelings pa din ako para sayo.

Well, well, biruin mo yun. Pero ayun, okay na kong friends tayo. Okay na kong nakikita ka sa klase. Okay na kong nag-uusap tayo. At kung ano man ang kahantungan na feelings na to. Maging unstable man at magapproach ng infinity amplitude, or magdecay to zero, or magstay sa certain value, medyo sure akong magiging okay na ako from now on when it comes to you. Anyway, sorry, susulitin ko pa din yung mga sandali with you. Magsasabi ako ng iba't ibang tao na kunwari gusto ko pero ang totoo, masaya ako tuwing andito ka sa tabi ko. :)