Me and My Obsession

Music.

Take everything away but not music.

Haha. I've been posting random works of mine but not giving much detail about it so I decided to create an independent post.

I don't have formal training in singing. I'm even a worse dancer. But then, I'm just really, really moved and I just want to have it with me though I'm not good at it.

I was a child of dreams. I wanted to be in the world of music industry when I was a child. I pretend to make my own songs by singing random words in random tunes. We bought my keyboard when I was in prep and I don't have any idea how to operate it. Well, I used to play with it and try to find out how to play on my own. I still remember, I was a fan of F4 back then when I was able to have Ni Yao De Ai's tune in my fingertips. So far, it's the first song I've played on my own that I can recall, in monotone.

I started formally writing a song when I was 8. There was a tune as well but sadly I was not able to save it and I don't remember any of it but the thought. Yes, it was about children being stubborn yet the key to the future. I also wrote songs when I stepped on grade 4 and so on but like the first one, I was not able to save it.

I wrote more songs than ever in high school for different reasons. I was asked to compose songs for projects, batch contests, friends with farewell, graduation songs, jingles but I was mostly able to save the songs I wrote privately. I lost the rest.

I was first taught guitar when I was in 1st year by a band person but I didn't learn that much. Real learning happened when I got to have free time with high school friends and share knowledge. I somewhat learned to incorporate piano and guitar well. Yes, I know how but I really lack techniques. Oh well.

I'm fond of singing, but I'm a try-hard singer. I have no confidence on what I can do. Anyway, people had been discouraging me since the time I can remember. I've been part of a choir at 1st year high but my dad asked me to stop. No one I know in the family appreciated my music and they always tell me just to study hard with math and science. I became shy. Just like when I auditioned in the school choir, I didn't sing in my audition thoroughly and it really sound horrible. Then, I tried to be part of the dance troupe but I just stood in my audition. From then on, I had this fear of audition. You see, I can feel more pressure on it than on the performance itself. Anyway, at the end, I became part of school choir for some reasons. I play the keyboards for them. I also learned a bit of violin when my bro bought one and I played with it.

In college, I thought things would change. I've been part of two choirs but not having formal auditions. Also, I have limits. Just like what I've said, no confidence at all. Well, I wanted to dance more as an 18th birthday gift for myself so I took street dance. But, when there are auditions of anything, I can't face it. I mean, I'm not scared of being unaccepted. I'm scared of the pressure. What if I mess up?

I really love everything about it. EVERYTHING. SO when I have a chance, I grab it. Unless, the fear takes over. All I'm aiming for now is for me to take over the fear. I want to know what more I can do. I just don't like the fact that I could fail anyone. My failure of myself is enough.

Well, I had another funny thought. I have my life now set on a wheel of fortune. You know why? I don't know why the heck I'm in my course. That was before. Now, I put a bit of hope. I have this subject next sem related to music, the numerical of it. Well, I was hoping for me to like it and just belong to one laboratory and have my work in the future with it. Yes, I'm so silly. But, I guess when I said I like everything about music, this is a challenge. and guess what. . .

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

At the Peak

if this is a cliff

and if i fall this time

second chance is a gift

just to finish the climb

so next time i won't stop

just wait there at the top

and soon you will see

i'll be with you at the peak

There. I thought it was lost but I found it around my bags. Yeah, just the night when I found out I have to take the removals for Math 55. It's only a sneak peek since it's not even half the song. If I pass all my subjects this sem, I'm gonna finish it wit a happy ending.

This how I describe myself whenever I'm about to fail a subject. But I guess this song is more optimistic that what I really feel since it is ready to face the second take. Haha! I'll save all my efforts to my next subjects. I'll be armed enough alright.

Empty Promises, Filled Regrets

You were never what I wanted

I never meant to fall

Why did I let you pull me down

We have no reasons at all

Refrain

Why does it have to come here

Won’t there be another way

Chorus

It’s too late to turn it back

No we can’t return our days

It’s too late to make it right

Tell me why are we here again?

I don’t ask for remedies

This is not the answer

What you need is to stop pretending

So you won’t fool yourself either

I don’t hold a grudge

What I have are regrets

Why did I ever let you in

Now I find it hard to forget

Refrain

Chorus

Bridge

I won’t admit you tore me apart

I can’t believe you are the one

I won’t admit you broke me down

I can’t believe it, I can’t

Chorus

Chorus

4th year days. random thoughts. It doesn't have a tune yet too T_T.

When 143 didn’t mean I love you

You’re the best thing I ever knew

And I don’t want you to get disappointed

You know how to see me through

And I don’t want to make you feel unwanted

refrain

Expectations do rise these days

And for both of us too

Thank you for the night

But I guess I can’t make it through

chorus

I’m sorry, I’m sorry

It’s not my fault I’m vulnerable

I can’t do it, I can’t do it

I’m too weak to say goodnight

Forgive me, forgive me

For this sudden goodbye

I asked you when will you ever learn to leave

You asked me when will I ever learn to stay

I didn’t say it’s not enough

I’m thankful but I can’t lead the way

I’m not naive to not feel your pain

There are just things I couldn’t face

You’re a weak one to love a weak one

who doesn’t know how to embrace

refrain

chorus

bridge

I just mean I don’t love you

It doesn’t have to mean I hate you

All I want for you to find

Is a real one, a real one

Chorus

chorus


4th year days. Different meanings of 143. It's not just "i love you".

It does not have a tune yet T_T

Chase

Running away

Is my favorite hobby

So throughout the day

I let no one surround me

Refrain:

So it’s quiet and lovely

No one can hear me whispering

About the world of misfortune

And people misunderstanding

Chorus:

Because of you, you, you

Everything has changed  

Others didn’t do, do, do

Feeling me this way

You didn’t even know it

But I’m happy about it

Just by hearing you say

“Come home and stay”

I am so used

To be another loner

But now i knew

I won’t be the same as ever

 Refrain:

You touched me it felt good

Will this stay forever?

I want you I need you

To leave again I’ll never

Chorus

Bridge

If one day I’ll disappear

In this world suddenly

I thought no one will be searching

But you proved me wrong

I know I’m wrong

Chorus

Chorus

Same story as can't make you stay. I kind of don't like this song. It's a bit to loose and really corny. It's not even finish yet. Oh well.

Three Nine and Three

3 years 9 months and 3 days

Since the last break up I got to get

Oh why i still think of u that way

I guess you’re not that easy to forget

I wonder if you still remember me

The one whom you once called mean                           

We’d talked of mistakes until it runs out

Then you’ll make that face and just walk out

Refrain:

What have we done wrong anyway?

But I guess from the start I should have stayed.

Chorus:

Please give me one more chance

I swear it’ll be the last

I swear it’ll be the last

Please do understand

We can make it last

We can make it last

Didn’t expect it would be hard to move on

I don’t even remember how I lived on

It Never crossed me you’d matter this much

Falling apart, I never thought of such

I’ve always dreamt of you every night

I really need someone to hold me tight

Sometimes I realize you are right

I do miss having you at my sight

Refrain

Chorus

Bridge:

I might have broken

A million hearts but I never

Thought that you would be the one

 To break mine to break mine

Chorus

Chorus


Same story as can't make you stay but less of the story. It's just a tiny clue. 

Can't Make You Stay

I

I never asked for anything until the time I saw you

I even kept denying about the truth I fell onto

And so I ran away while you are there unaware

But at the end of the day, I can’t help it but stare

II

I never asked for anything until the time i saw u

I decided to drop by the shed and greet you

I can’t explain what I felt, when u smile I want to say 

I can’t get u out of my head; I’m head over heels for u

Refrain:

I just don’t know, don’t know, don’t know

Chorus:

And you know that I know I can’t stop u from going away

And I know that u know so I’ll just say it anyhow anyway

Before i prefer waking up alone everyday

 U changed my mind when u crossed my way

 But even if I kneel down, beg and plead, I just can’t make u stay

III

I never asked for anything until the time I saw u

Now the things won’t be the same as it was before

I don’t know what to do, when i am not with you

Now could I sleep tonight, without anyone saying goodnight

Refrain:

Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight,

Chorus:

And you know that I know I can’t stop u from going away

And i know that u know so I’ll just say it anyhow anyway

Before i prefer waking up alone everyday

 U changed my mind when u crossed my way

Bridge:
And I can’t stand it

I can’t handle the fact that you’re

Leaving

I can’t take it

I can’t take it

I can’t take it back

Chorus:

And you know that I know I can’t stop u from going away

And I know that u know so I’ll just say it anyhow anyway

Before I prefer waking up alone everyday

 U changed my mind when u crossed my way

And you know that I know I can’t stop u from going away

And I know that u know so I’ll just say it anyhow anyway

Before I prefer waking up alone everyday

 U changed my mind when u crossed my way

 But even if I kneel down, beg and plead, I just can’t make u stay

IV
I never asked for anything until the time I saw you

And now I shout to the world how much I love you

I want to be with you, that’s why ill miss you

 Letting you go is the hardest decision I made

before 3rd year starts. My sis kidnapped me and brought me to Laguna. Yeah, I was so bored so I wrote songs. Well, this song is a bit heartfelt. a bit realistic. HAHAHAHA. I kind of don't want to remember.

All Along

I

We used to search for someone that feels

The same way as we do

But where in this world should I start

Just to see that only one

Refrain

I met a lot of faces

I’ve been to different places

Still I don’t know where to go

Chorus

I can’t believe after everything I’ve tried

It’s just here beside me

I tried to seek what I needed to live

But what I’m looking for all along is you

II

We tried to wait for someone to say

Such gentle words that cut deep through

But when shall the right time be

Just to be with you

Refrain

I’ve searched high and low

I almost had it all

Still there’s something I don’t know

Chorus 2x

2nd year days. I wrote it with Postulate. It's a sweet acoustic song about a person who seeks love and found it with a close friend.

Postulate

I

No it's not a love triangle

You're not so aware

Don't ask for affair

II

You always try to make another angle

Never had reasons

Never had a proof

REFRAIN

We fought, we scream, we cried

And we fell

From interior to exterior

We'll never get along

CHORUS

Why? What's your point?

Prove me your right

And I am wrong

Don't ask for a space

'Cause I'm through with your lines

Prove me your right

And I am wrong

I am wrong

III

You never try to hear my side of the story

A new dimension

Change your direction

IV

We won't find a median

Not a bisector

We're not in proportion

You're not fair and square

REFRAIN

We're tired, lonely, broken

And we're through

Your selfishness

We'll never get along

CHORUS

BRIDGE

The world is just round

And it will keep turning around

Start a new segment

And vary your way, your way

CHORUS 2X

One of my known songs in class. Of course, we performed it in class. It's a project for Geometry. I actually made triple meaning with the song. The first one it's a lousy song forced with a lot of geometry words. Second, it's a song about two people fighting about a postulate problem which is just accepted without any further proof and the other can't accept. The third, it's a man fight. An argument who have different beliefs.

Part of Me

I

I never knew how to start

All I know is that you came in my life

I never thought that you would touch my heart

In an instance, you are by my side

Refrain

Apologies might never be enough

In all the things that I have done

But even if it is too much

You still forgive me, forgive me

Chorus

I can't afford to lose a friend

A friend you share your life with

I can't live without your comfort

You've been a part of me

II

This is my favorite line

When you turn my world around

When old things never get old

And new ones never get new

And I am so thankful

Refrain

Chorus

Bridge

And once I ran away

You always find a way

To make me go

Back home

To you

Chorus

Chorus


2nd year days too. A friend of me asked me to write a song.

The Perfect Piece

I

I saw myself in darkness

But then, you've been my light

You lent me everything

Your ears and your eyes

You're a witness

To my tears and smiles

Refrain I

I once lost my way

Twice fallen down

Then I asked for a hand

You lent me your arms

Chorus

In all the clouds I've stepped on

In all the stars I've reached

What would it all be without you

I was blessed to know an angel

I was blessed to know you

Your wings have brought me to heaven

II

You taught me how to see

Then, I started to see you through

I am now not afraid

Of anything

And it's all because

Of you

Refrain II

Time continues to pass

And a lot of things changed

Then, I looked at my side

You've been there all the time

Chorus

Bridge

If ever we have to make our separate ways

And you'll tell me you'll go

I'll say you are wrong

'Cause you're in my heart I know

Chorus

To heaven…


This is also supposed to be a poem for English class back in 2nd year. Write about your inspiration. I overdid it. Many said turn it to a song and I find it nice.

For whom it is? it's a secret. 

Unkown

Excuse me

May I ask something

Have you seen my long lost friend

You see you look

Very the same

But you are different

I can tell

CHORUS

Who is this person

Right next to me

You look so familiar

Though it's not that so clear

Have I seen your face

Somewhere before

But you'll never be

The person I've known

*

But you're not

You're not

You're not the one

I'm looking for

(2x)

You have same eyes

But different shine

You have same lips

But different smiles

You know you have
Just everything

Everything except for a heart

(Repeat chorus and *2x)


This is a song I wrote about 1st or 2nd year. It's lyrics is really bitter but the tune is really upbeat and jolly with a touch of country. It's about a person you thought to be a friend but changed.

With Me

I

I thought that meeting you is a near to death experience

But it's even more like dying again and again and again

I just can't stand to live with you

Neither to live without

REFRAIN I

Is it my fault to admit

I am buried alive

CHORUS

I'm here, lying down, stiff and cold

I can't move and I can't breath

I can't stand you near

Neither far away from me

So please tell me now

What should I do to keep me alive

II

In everyday that passes me by

Knives just go deeper through

My crazy life just got crazier

Maybe I regret meeting you

REFRAIN II

Is it a sin to tell you

I am burning in hell

(chorus)

BRIDGE

I hate you, I hate you

Yet I care, I still do

Die with me (while chorus)




I'm sure of it. I wrote it when I was in 2nd year high school. I remember the feeling that triggered me to write it. To tell you the truth, it's rare for me to write a song of what I really feel. Most of my songs were what ifs.

This is rock. It's for a person you don't know what to feel. As if he/she is already attached to you but do u no good. Now, I admit, it's a bit harsh. Well, if I have time (or if I'm in my mood), I might revise it.

This Piano of Yours

I

Why did you leave

Now I'm on my own

You make me suffer

Maybe, you're not the one

Refrain I

I don't understand

why am I still here

if I have lost you

I've lost everything in me

Chorus

And there it goes again

It's playing on its own

Am I dreaming

Maybe I'm crazy

Is it real or an illusion

And there it goes again

Just like how you play it before

Is your ghost haunting me

Or maybe

I'm just missing you

II

Will you please come back

And play this piano again

'cause even though you're gone

I'm still looking for you

Refrain II

Maybe I'm out of my mind

9've lost myself in darkness

filled myself with sorrow

felt so much emptiness inside

Chorus 2x

 
This is a dark song. I mean the ideal music background is kind of heavy and melancholic. It's about a person who misses another person who used to play the piano. (obviously) I wrote it when I'm. . .. err i don't remember. I guess my early 2 years in high school

Again/Muli

In every smile I make

In every tear I cry

In every time you fool me

Do it all again

CHORUS

I don't care a t all

Even if I get hurt again and again

As long as you say you love me

I'll still be happy though I know you're lying

In every day we're together

In every night you leave

In every time you fool me

Do it all again

CHORUS

In every step you take near me

In every time you walk away

In every time you fool me

Do it all again

CHORUS

Do it all

Do it all

Do it all again

(2x)

Again

Filipino Version

 Sa bawat pagngiti

Sa bawat pagluha

Tila ba paulit ulit

Gawin mo pa sanang muli

KORO

Wala akong pakialam

Kung muli man akong masaktan

'Pag sinabi mong mahal mo ako

masaya na ako kahit hindi totoo

Sa bawat araw na kasama

Sa bawat gabing mag-isa

Tila ba paulit ulit

Gawin mo pa sanang muli

KORO

Sa bawat paglapit

Sa bawat paglayo

Tila ba paulit ulit

Gawin mo pa sanang muli

KORO

Gawin mo pa sanang

Gawin mo pa sanang

Gawin mo pa sanang muli

(2x)

Muli

 
This is my only song that has a translation. It is also so far my only Filipino song. I actually don't know why. I wrote it between 1st year and 2nd year as well.

I got a feeling that whatever I listen to at the moment actually influences me with the lyrics of my next song. Because as I remember it, I was listening to a somewhat martyr song when I wrote this. 

Well, it's a kind of silent song. Kind of louder at the chorus but overall quiet.

This is Our Song

 I

We've been together from the start

It'll be sad to break apart

I'll not leave you come what may

I'll always be here to stay

REFRAIN

No need to cry

In time of fears

It'll be just fine

'cause I'll always be here

CHORUS

Together we will fly

We won’t know unless we try

Stand, believe it’s true

And see me with you

We could reach our sight

Just sit back, hold on tight

I know that we could be

What we wanted to be
What we wanted to be

II

I know this will last a lifetime

I know that we belong

You and me, till the end

Both of us, sing a song

REFRAIN CHORUS

REFRAIN CHORUS


It's an upbeat song, unlike the fragile heart.

Yeah, I got a little problem with this song, I wrote it when I was in about 1st or 2nd year. I actually found a letter to my friend and found a part of a song forgetting it's someone else's song. Now, I got it under control.

Fragile Heart

I

Dreams shattered                   

Hopes broke down                             

To see you walk away                        

In tears I drown                                                                      

II

The promise you've told

Is the promise you've forgotten

My emotions were abandoned

A vow was left broken

Refrain:

The way you look changes

As time pass by

Yesterday you said

You'll never leave

And now you'll say goodbye

And now you'll say goodbye

Chorus:

What about the desire we pursue

The moments we've made and done

The feelings we shared, the way we stare

All are lost and gone

(Repeat I)

(Repeat refrain)

Chorus 2:

What about the desire we pursue

The moments we've made and done

The feelings we shared, the way we stare

All are lost and gone

Though I understand

 it's still hard in my part

For you to find happiness                   

Do I have to break my heart

Bridge

Reasons I don’t want to hear

 Should I forgive and forget

My mind was left in confusion

My heart was left wounded

(Repeat chorus II)

                                   

Do I have to break my heart

Do I have to break my heart


Well, I wrote this when I was in 1st year high school. It's supposed to be a poem but a friend of mine suggested to put a tune to it. Yeah. It's been a long time since I last read it and I kind of feel WHAT-THE-HELL-AM-I-DOING right now. Because now that I read back, I can't believe I wrote it. It's so corny. Oh well, memories will me memories.


There you have it. I will be posting more of it later. (what a lot of shame for me)

A Superduperexapetaterragigamegaultraelectromagnetic Leap and Never Look Back

I realized. . .

My 4th year high graduation is not that bad. I mean, yeah, it's horrid. Just like when I wrote a few rhymes for it and just be thrown and then, rush us out and make us all look silly. But hey, not all is bad. I mean, seeing my best friends rise to get their honor and have speech. Have this cool speaker (even if the fuse exploded that cut off the current) that had this cool story. Good thing, I was in front to hear it.Somehow, I saw a little fate of mine in him. Well, just when I thought I was the "most promising" (but probably the bitterest of all students), listening to mister, he was also called the same you're-not-on-top-but-hey award. He graduated like that and entered UPD and well, looking so happy now. "I'll be happy too," I said. "I'll be better."

Okay, maybe, that's why it's called most promising.

By the way, sorry for all-of-a-sudden have an english post. I got a bit hooked up with the percy jackson series and BOOM! Im really into it.

Speaking of the series, well, not only did the greek myth caught my interest but the many life-and-death events. Jumping off (or almost) a cliff caught my attention. I sort of can relate what happened to the 1st semester of my 2nd year (which is really the main point of this blog). Yeah, I said it. The difference is that, I need to hold on even with the right hand pinky is the only part of me left that holds. People (not really) in the story can just jump off a cliff and somewhere in the end, be alive again.(Haha! I told you, when I'm reading a story book, I am torn between reality and fantasy.) But seriously, just now, when I had my sembreak, I felt like a balikbayan to my own hometown. It's like I have not been around a long time. My old friends? It felt like years apart from them and same goes to my past years' hobbies and addictions. I thought I won't have to waste time for a while since I made a step back last 2nd sem after failing a subject. I don't want it to happen again. . . or much sooner, at least.

My sem started well. It was a bit scared having an all-major sem but I have friends to be with. I got this hardcore subject that some unfortunate ones are not able to make it through. I even made a song for it, though, it's unfinished. Its title is "At the Peak." I said, I will only finish it if I fail. But after I knew I pass it (the hard way i tell you) I lost the song. I'll try to look for it and show it to you someday, I guess. Other subjects were also tough. It's the first sem I bought a book and read a lot of it. I also borrow books and all. I can say I became better, after all. Though sometimes, I can't avoid some bad habits.

Org life? Well, I've dedicated most of my time to CKT. It's the nearest there is. Also a bit with Angkan. We revived this dormant Cavite organization and it's on its way to the world. Love life? It's always the same. I don't have one. Yeah, I got a crush on one of the professors but just for fun. That also goes with people I claim as "Crush of the Day." That might be the reason why I got agitated when rumors spread that I like a person. I don't like it that way. Yeah, there is a time I got my eye on him but only for observation. I disproved my interest. And well, getting teased to him is really annoying. Well, not only getting teased. I don't know why but being around him as well felt really awkward and wrong. I hate it. Well, just don't remind me of it. Ugh! Actually, not only to him I am teased. But also, to my friend's guy. Well, it was last summer that it started when I spoke of him because I have no choice and I didn't realize people took it a bit too far. It is not as much irritating but I am just getting shy to my friend. It's not supposed to be that way. Don't ask me anymore. You already know. I don't like anyone now. If i did, you all know who he is. It's just the same person all along. It's also not right! Haha, i don't want to think about it, next topic. Yeah! I had my street dance class that boosts my hidden desire, my long lost frustration, to dance. I'm not really not good at it and I'm still working on it but I got more confidence. I said that before I turn 18, I must learn even a bit of dancing. And there I was.

Well, I've been a fool the whole time. But guess what, I was a happy fool. All that matters is that I did well in the end. All payed back well. I passed all subjects (almost). I got new skills. I'm telling you, if I've been like these even before college, I've gone a mile. But it don't work that way. I guess, it's a different thing. Well, all I can say is, this sem is such a breakthrough for me. It made me see a lot of my dreams clearer and nearer and I hope I've not mistaken. I mean, signs say I must move forward and so I have no reason to go back or fall apart. I don't know what tomorrow brings me. All I know, it's waiting to be revealed.

at the peak (teaser)

oo, ang isang sem ay parang bangin. . .



madaming naganap. . .




MAHUHULOGorgacadsBAsarililablaypAKOkaibiganikawSAkatangahanlahatBANGIN. . .





abangan. . .



_________________________________________________________________________


mga awitin ng nakaraan. . .



muling hahalungkatin. . .



at isisiwalat. . .


ang taglay na kamaisan. . .



abangan din. . .



____________________________________________________________________



sa susunod na mga kabanata ng BLOG na walang nagbabasa




(kasi nga ayaw kong may magbasa)









ngayong SEMBREAK, malapit na xD