Mind Over Matter

Don't get me wrong. I think that to love or to care for someone is human nature. And, I won't deny that I loved a lot of different people, romantically or not. They all came in different time, different place, and different love. "There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice." -F. Scott Fitzgerald Yes, there are multiple times that I have fallen, whether to be caught on somebody's arms or not. But really, for all of those who I've fallen onto, there is this something in my feelings that is dominating. Mind over matter. I love the mind over the matter. Intellectual romance. I don't know. Is it wrong not to deeply crave someone's kiss or touch that much? Is it wrong to fall in love more on the perfect mix of conversations and silence rather than the smooth flow of body heat and breath? I may not fall for a person the same way as the others, which made me doubt if I really fell or not, but then now, I think that I really do but in a different way. It's just weird. I don't know if it's just a phase or what but at least now I'm pretty sure of what I think. I think that we talk in different language, in different forms of love. And we wait for that person who has or understands the one same as yours. Maybe, some language are just a little bit more mainstream than others. I mean, there are also times I don't understand others' way of showing affection, so I don't really expect people to understand mine. Does it really matter? Well, it does. But I think knowing or acknowledging my true feelings is enough no matter how strange it is. I think knowing what you want is the one that matters even if the person you have feelings for won't be able to get your love language. Oh well. Maybe it's not meant to be.

Kulang sa Tulog

Background muna.

Sisimulan ko sa sirang-sirang weekend. Sunud-sunod na disappointment. Dapat kasi hindi talaga nag-eexpect. Ayan tuloy, ipilit ko man sa mga tao na masaya na ako, sa weekend na iyon, makikita sa mukha ko kung gaano ka-down ng nararamdaman ko. 

Bakit? Many reasons. Ayaw ko nang isa-isahin.

Dumako na lang tayo sa masasayang bahagi.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! :)) Instant. Bumaligtad ng 180 degrees and facial expression ko. Masaya na ako. Bakit? Many reasons. :)) Naenjoy ko yung araw ko with friends: lunch with friends, dinner with other friends, UP Fair with other friends. Nalungkot lang talaga ako na hindi ko naumpisahan ang Spongecola sa UP Fair to think na kinanta nila yung isa sa mga paburito kong kanta sa kanila. Hindi na bale, bawing-bawi naman ng nostalgia na dala ng Hale at Rivermaya.

Haha. Some thoughts. Sa tagal-tagal ko sa UP at sa dalas kong pumunta ng UP Fair, hindi ko inexpect na magiging masaya ako ngayong taon. Lagi ko na lang tinatanong sarili ko ano mapapala ko dun kung hindi gastos. Hindi naman ako nagrirides at mas maunti na ngayon ang mga booths. Same bands pati. Ayaw ko rin ng madaming tao. Bakit pa ba?

Naguiguilty ako. Aral muna. Ipinagpaliban kong makita ang Itchyworms para magsunog ng kilay. Nakakamiss ang mga ganitong aral. Pero seryosong aral iyon ha. Hindi ko nga lang natapos. Ang hirap. Pero masaya ako. Shet. Ang martir.

Ayun. Hindi natapos sa isang gabi ang pag-UP fair ko. Syempre, sinamahan ko yung date ko. Ang dami nang tao! Jusmiyo! Buti talaga nung Martes, nakapunta ako. Umambon pa noon, natakot ako na baka bumagsak ang ulan at maulit nanaman yung nangyari dati. Pero hindi sila naging hadlang sa kasiyahan ng gabi ko. "Sa gilid ng mga mata tinitignan kita." Sakto, pagtingin ko andoon siya. Ang babaw ko lang. Haha. Medyo pagod na din ako at walang magawa kaya tumambay na lang ako sa damuhan at gumawa ng homework habang tumutugtog ang mga sikat na banda. HIndi ko na nakita iyong mga tao na nagsabing pupunta kasi ang kapal ng crowd. Ewan. Basta nang lumaon mag-isa na lang ako. Hindi ko alam nangyari. Okay lang. Nagmcdo na lang ako mag-isa.

Cram. Oo, kahit umpisahan mo ng maaga, matatapos ka pa din ng huli. Hindi nanaman ako nakapasok kahit na handa na ang outfit ko. Things you do for EEE. Anyway, may something weird sa araw na ito. Friday the 13th? Hindi naman ako minamalas. Weird lang. Karamihan ng nakasama ko ngayong araw ay may something sa past ko. Ewan. Basta nakapagpasa ako ng homework.

Heto. Hindi dapat ako nandito. Napilitan lang ako. Medyo matagal dumating ang tanging pakay sa gabing ito at tulad ng ibang gabi, ang boring ko. Tumambay lang ako halos sa damuhan at naghintay. Pagod na din ako dahil ilang araw na walang tulog. Lumipas na lang ang mga oras. Sasabayan ang mga awiting nasa likod ng ulo ko ang liriko. Kumanta ako na parang sinasabi ko sa kanya. Nakikinig na parang ang awiting iyon ay para sa akin. Nakipagdaldalan. Tumawa. Naglakad-lakad. Napaidlip. Naabot ko na ata ang limit ko. AYAN NA! Dumating na sila. Yung hinihintay ko. Yung dahilan bakit kami andito. Tayo!

Malalim na ang gabi. Tumigil ang ulan. Maririnig mo ang mga damdaming sumisigaw. Langit ay puno ng bituin. Bumigla ang makukulay na bulalakaw. Umiindak sa saliw ng tadhana. Kasama ang gusto mong makasama. Hindi ka iniwan. Ano pa ba ang pwedeng hilingin?

Hindi man kumpleto tulog ko, kumpleto naman ang araw ko.

Di pa natapos doon kahit papikit-pikit na kami ng mga kasama ko. Agahan sa walang-sawang Mcdo. Tapos kinumpleto ko ang storya ko. 

Nakauwi na din. Makakatulog na ako ng mahimbing.

Random Thought of the Day

Some people will only see that small bad part in you despite trying to be good all your life. Normally, I'd take time to find out to correct it or make up for it. But then sometimes, you just get tired of it. Admit that you make mistakes. Accept that you can't please everyone. Don't let other people destroy you. You don't always have to adjust and change for all the people you meet and lose yourself somewhere along the way. Just focus more, give more time and effort to people who knows how to appreciate you and accepts you as you are. Don't waste your precious time and do something worthwhile. :))

I don't know.

I am not angry at anyone right now.

In fact, I'm happy. I have been really happy for a while. :))

There are just things I don't understand. And I got tired of always trying to understand. Again, I have to accept the fact I'm powerless. I can't always make things right all the time. I'm no superhuman and I think I should choose my fights.

Funny how a semester changed me drastically. Funny how a person or two change my way of thinking, my perspective on things. I don't know, it's just funny.