False Pretense

Intensity. I can’t believe I can stand it. No! I CAN’T stand it. It was just a pretense of what I really felt. In every time I got the guts to ignore every single thing up to her fingertips, I also got that weak spot to turn around and shed a tear. I don’t know how it happened and I knew we just felt that same intensity.
The day she was born was fast approaching. No one can forget her day but this one looks like a different case. Every year, I guess, she gets to celebrate. She always had plans of it but she was too late. Coincidence or fate it might be, but it happenings can’t overlap on the day in between the two’s. Then, we get to serve whoever was the first.
I got the feeling that it was just a factor but the true reason is much deeper. One reason might have been within me. I realized it when we get to confess our apologies to each other for having a huge wall in between the last two days. It was heartfelt. She was something not to doubt of embracing again. I really want her back. Come to think of it, I never really said goodbye.
I was revived. I didn’t remember anything at all. The tears, the feelings, all of them are gone. It felt as if our friendship was refreshingly new and also comfortably known. Finally, I got the chance to greet her personally and give a gift. No other had the idea of anything about the past days.

The Best There Is

She didn't catch my attention the very first time I saw her. Even so, she might have a magic that lets me not forget seeing her the first times. I appreciated her more as I knew her better.
I even remember her words when I was planning to leave one place in the classroom where we used to hang out, she said “stay”. I’ll never forget that. It was easy to make her laugh that caused me to smile. From then on, I enjoyed her company. We asked each other of our likes, dislikes, and a couple more of things. I had opened secrets to her that she kept until now and she had told me stories that kept me amazed until now.
We were birds flying through the same path, as I thought we were. We share the same likes and helped each other at times. But after months, life gets tighter and tighter and suffocates us both. We get to spend chosen times and it even took a lot of effort to make each of it happen. I also noticed that we began to choose different things and even spend time to opposite ones.
I said I was wrong. We were not taking the same path after all. And one day, fast approaching, we will really be apart from each other. I hate thinking about it but I try to accept it. I don’t want to get disappointed at the end but I guess it can’t be helped. From that time, I just did my best to be with her. She was the best of the bests among my best friends. I spend time with her as if I wanted to stop the ticking of that second arm. In those ways, I know, we were the same. We can still be those birds flying together. Even if that giant storm comes, I’ll be there to share a feather. Whatever happens, I won’t let anything to be thrown away and be erased by a storm.

Distracted

I was convinced so I did. A cost of 600 pesos should worth it. I took the test, my future was on line. And I didn’t want the outcome.
De La Salle University- Taft is a well-known school. I got a few friends studying there. Ate Micah was one of those who convinced me. When my mother let me chose between Ateneo and La Salle, I chose La Salle. It was my second time to fix forms. The first one was in UP. But now, I had worked hard to prepare a good scholarship form because I really can’t study there without a scholarship. We can’t afford. I really wanted to pass the test and be a scholar of it. Ate Micah was very supportive and even asked me already to stay in her place when I passed.
Then there, we passed our forms personally. All of my forms were approved unlike my companion’s. The schedule of our test was given. After that, all I need was preparation. I guess it’s the only thing I didn’t have. I never knew what went wrong.
I was with Dianne and Chala. Before the test, we ate first in Tokyo Tokyo and stayed there for a few more time. Then, we waited for Tenten before it was about to start. Chala and I were roommates. I am sitting in the second row. I was so nervous because I don’t know what to do. Plus, the room was like North Pole with its temperature. And then, it started.
I can’t concentrate. I can’t fill each hole properly. Each question was like reading forever. It continued until the end of the 1st period. J left more than fifteen questions unanswered. The same happened with the other parts of the tests. I was in dismay.
“Did I really do my best?” I asked myself. My target was to get a scholarship and NOT play around. I even did worse than what I’ve done in UPCAT. I didn’t anymore hope I’ll pass. All of my plans and dreams with that school, until now, is just plain dust. But then, I still wanted to pass.

Along Came a Poor Man

Majority out of ten was a beginner. Maybe, that’s the secret why it felt great. There was this tall girl and small boy, high-pitched and low-pitched, trained performer and 1st time performer, short hair to long, dark complexion to fair, to say everything will just cover a lot of space. We must have a very skilled coach to handle the extremes.
Two weeks before the contest week, we were already excused. First days were tough because we got to have that catchy moves and fill the 8-minute time limit. The voice has no problem. We didn’t practice much for it. We GOT it. I thought everything was okay.
One time, we failed to meet the standards and so, we were in the middle of riot when they thought of switching contestants. We didn’t want that. We worked harder and harder until, they asked us to stay. We worked harder but the humor was always there. We practiced more but more often caught fooling around. But we were in that scorching hot stage as the contest approach. We even didn’t bother to pay those costly clothes my mother at first, didn’t like. But then, she was so supportive so she agreed.
Then, there it was, the contest proper. I am so nervous because it was also a first time for me. True, I get to perform but not in a contest outside the school. We waited. Ours was the last part of the program until the time came we positioned ourselves at the stage.
We had a lot of mistakes but it didn’t matter. We can already see the crowd watching attentively and reacting actively with each stunt. I saw the judge smile at us and I even heard their positive conversation. Audience was just so surprised because it was so different from the preceding performances. They were too busy to see the errors. Then, we saw our coach smiled and put her thumbs up.
The next performances were also mixed up. Perhaps different schools had different impression of the name. It was really not famous, not even my mother knew it. After that, we get to change our clothes and watch the rest.
Hours passed and there was not a single clue of our contest. We were in the assembly area and waited. When it came, all our fingers were crossed. We were hoping, hoping a lot. When we heard of the runner-ups, it made us hope more and we got nervous more. Then, when the champ was announced, I can’t help but jump when our school’s name was mentioned. I was so happy. Every one of us was. It was one of the best experiences of my life.
Two weeks after was a judgment day. I already had an idea that I’m one of those to be removed so I told myself I won’t cry. But it can’t be helped. Well, after that, I’m through with it. I just can’t avoid those echoing questions because many were shocked about it. For me, I wanted our school to win so whatever I can help, even if I’m there or not, I will. I did my part. Maybe, it wasn’t enough.

Better Person

I want to be, to be a better person
Whose will is firm and dreams within his reach
I want to be, to be a better person
With the truth that overpowers him

He knows how to fight for his glory
Against all odds, he battles for his right
He knows what limitations are
He can adjust to all of the changes

Yes I will be, I’ll be a better person
Who can withstand, withstand all contrary
With the light shining upon my armor
With my wings as strong as his wings

This was one of my original compositions. You know how I got it? I was so down. I got everyone down and failed with my outputs. Then, there was this tune that keeps repeating in my mind. It was a plain tune without lyrics that sounds desirable and full of hope. I went up of bed and tried it in piano and it sounds like a familiar tune. I made the lyrics on the spot and began singing it on my own. It felt great as if there was this power within me that awakens. At first I thought it was just an imagination but no. I performed better with my responsibilities.
Just as I thought, self- motivation is very important. I can’t explain it but it’s essential. You can’t have a productive day without your heart and faith on it.
When same situations happen, I just sing the song and I already felt refreshed.

That Shimmering Gold

Grief was a terrible nightmare
As I hear these civilians groan
Filled my senses everywhere
But when I opened my eyes, I was alone

I grasped for breath and looked around
But there was nothing to see but black out
And there was nothing to hear no sound
So tried to utter words with my mouth

“Is anybody there?” I shout
And hoped, let there be light
So I used my eyes to scout
But no change was found in sight

Then, there came that roaring thunder
With the fearful flashes of bolts
An image of two opposing parties came clear
And in the middle was that shimmering gold

I tried to hide or run away
But I got nowhere farther
I don’t want to die but my life’s a stray
Then, I felt the courage within gather

I opened my eyes afraid
Then again, I thought I was alone
But now, three parties were lying around me
Including the civilians who groaned


I did this poem at night. It was my hobby. I didn’t know how it would be interpreted by others but the truth, it’s about humanity. When people fight over riches and power, innocent ones get affected. The one speaking is just a person who was aware of what happened.
Actually, I was planning to pass this for The Molecules but it didn’t get there. In every year I pass one, it always gets rejected. Oh well! Whatever happens It won’t stop my hobby.

The Loveliest Thing There Is

I asked an old lady on her rocking chair
“Am I not lovely?”
She just saw a painting when she tried to stare
“You are though I can’t seem to see”

I asked a stranger holding a briefcase
“Am I not lovely?”
He just laughed in craze
“You must be out of mind, I see”

I asked my friend whom I thought so dear
“Am I not lovely?”
He turned his back on me and started to clear
“You are, if close my eyes maybe”

I asked my mother who gave me birth
“Am I not lovely?”
“You are my dear though many can’t see
Because each of us contain, the loveliest thing there is”

Here is another poem of mine. It was a rush. It is about my mother. It is about how she made me see the world. It is about how she thought me to see things beyond the naked eye and understand imperfections.
The first three stanzas were about other people’s point of view. They show an example of people who only accept what they want. But then, the last stanza shows a mother who clears everything. It was really like my mother.
I was thankful to have a mother like that.

It Makes Me Smile But Never a Joke

At last! We finished our newspaper. I gave tons of efforts to do help it done.
My only dream before was to have an English poem posted at the newspaper. I didn’t expect that more of it will come. I became the associate editor of Ang Molekyuls. Really, it was a tough job but it’s worth it.
Being part of it was never a joke. It is very hard but I experienced a lot and learned a lot from it. I get to meet more people and I’m so thankful for their respect. I already stayed on Saturday a lot in school and had overnights there. Also, I have travelled different places and attended different events inside and outside the school. There was more to writing when your part of it.
The most important of all was camaraderie. We are inside of own city with solid walls. We eat together and sleep together. We laugh and cry together. I felt so comfortable to be with them. Then, those who graduated already kept on coming back. We had never ending stories and interesting incidents. It was really something worth treasuring.
I don’t know. We have that understanding of each other. We talk without words and have conversations in silence but then, we understand everyone. We can be so silent or be the loudest thing there is.
No, it’s not about the extra-curricular points. I don’t need it. What I found in making newspaper was more. I found a company that I will never forget. I am able to sacrifice a lot of things because I care so much for it. Not just that, I also care for those who works hard for it. I don’t want to let anyone down.
In here, I get to achieve things that I was not able to achieve in the past. I get to do things that I don’t naturally do. I guess, with it, I can still do more in the future.
As of now, cash was so much of a problem. We already had collections, solicitations and even asked for donations but still it wasn’t enough. But I am happy we are able to cope up with the amount. Imagine, a cramming solicitation and donation let us able to have Php 11, 000 within 24 hours. Still, it wasn’t enough but I’m glad of everyone who wanted to help.
To speak of the contest, I won’t expect much because it was a harsh printing. Oh well! What matters is that we are able to do our part. True, I feel a little guilt I didn’t check on it the last time but we can’t return time. I will just help in escorting the next batches.